


Where You Go, I go

by Fangirlingmanaged



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apocalypse, Castiel Angst, Castiel Feels, Dean Feels, Dean Says Yes, Dean said yes to save Sam, M/M, Michael is a dick, Pain, Season/Series 05, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 03:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1211074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlingmanaged/pseuds/Fangirlingmanaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was all Castiel's fault, he had let him down time and again. He had been so blind, and now he didn't know how to fix it.<br/>"It's too bad... He was in love with you."<br/>Suckiest summary i have written.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where You Go, I go

**Author's Note:**

> Shit, guys, i don't know what happens. I'm crying.  
> I'm really sorry, please don't kill me! D:  
> -Gabbs.  
> Art from Linneart on Tumblr

Based on this picture: <http://linneart.tumblr.com/post/68019363054>***

Castiel had a very bad feeling about going back down to Earth. It wasn't just the fact that the leader of his garrison, Uriel, had explicitly prohibited him from meeting Dean Winchester ever again. How Raphael and Michael had thought giving power over Castiel to Uriel was a good idea, he would never know. That, however, was beside the point. He had a very bad feeling about what he would find if he came across the Winchester boys again.

It wasn’t that he had anything against them; they were good people even if at the beginning they came off as rough around the edges. The problem wasn’t that Dean was too much too handle sometimes, which he _was_ , but Castiel didn’t mind. And that was the problem. No matter what Dean said or did, Castiel just didn’t mind as long as he could keep his company. It was frightening, really, or it should have been at least. Angels had fallen for less; just mere curiosity had left many of his siblings trapped in their vessels without their grace.

But for whatever reason, or for the reason Castiel didn’t want to admit, he didn’t seem to care about the very real possibility of losing his “angel mojo” because of the human. He had tried to hide it, to protect not only himself but also his human charge, but once in the presence of Dean it seemed like there was nothing to be done about his… feelings. That’s what terrified him the most, he knew it had nothing to do with Jimmy Novak’s vessel, he knew that these _things_ going on inside his vessel were Castiel’s and Castiel’s alone. And now Uriel and the rest of heaven knew of his transgressions and were keeping him _here_ , amongst his fellow soldiers, so he could be watched like a spoiled human child.

As the days passed, he was becoming more and more restless. It wasn’t just the fact that there was the Apocalypse happening, it wasn’t the fact that Lucifer was roaming the Earth free and everyone was scrambling to find a way to stop him, it wasn’t even the fact that the world, and humans, his Father’s most precious creation, were about to be destroyed. No, what kept Castiel’s mind occupied was the utter _defeat_ he could feel pulsing through his grace from the Righteous Man.

The first time Dean had prayed to him, it had been relatively easy to dismiss. It had sent a jolt through his grace, the hand that had gripped that beautiful human soul from perdition had thrummed with heat, but he had been able to ignore it. it had been only one sentence.

 _“Cas, I-I need help, man. I don’t know what I'm doing.”_ Even his mental voice had been rough and tired, and it had remained with Castiel for the next week until the next prayer came by. He could hear Dean’s patience wearing thin.

“ _Listen, you son of a bitch,”_ Castiel had been in a meeting with some members of his garrison, but he had been unable to _not_ flinch.  “ _I don’t know what’s got your feathery ass so damn busy, but we’re dying down here, man. This is your Goddamn mess, you should be helping me.”_

That one had been a little more difficult to ignore, but he had been able to do it. From then on, Dean hadn’t prayed to Castiel for anything other than cursing him. Each and every time, Castiel felt pain in his grace and had to stagger away from the rest of the Garrison.

Then Uriel had pulled Castiel aside and asked him to accompany him to Earth, and Castiel hadn’t even questioned the other angel’s intents. All that he had been worrying about, all he could even think of, was the fact that he might get to see Dean again. Make sure he was safe.

And yes, he did get to see him, and up to this day it still _destroys_ Castiel to remember the utter hate and contempt in Dean’s eyes. Because Uriel had used Castiel as leverage, had made him convince Dean to torture Alistair, and that had pretty much hurt them both in equal ways. Castiel could see it in the human’s eyes, just how terrified he was of the demon, how much he hated the angels, hated _Castiel_ for making him do that, but what hurt the most was the self-loath Dean felt because he knew how to torture demons. He’d learned how to torture pretty much anything they put in his path.

After the whole ordeal, after Castiel had dispatched Uriel for what he had tried to do to Dean, he’d fled without giving the Righteous Man any explanation. 

“Yeah, you go do your holy duty,” Dean had spat at him. “You go and leave me here in this shit hole, _Castiel_.” He’d said the name as if it were the very worst insult he could think of. To the angel, it was, he was no longer Cas, and that _hurt._

For some reason, Castiel began to feel things more acutely from then on. Every time Dean got hurt, and that was alarmingly often, he would feel it in his grace. It was a mild discomfort for him, but it spoke volumes of how much the human was getting hurt. He never prayed to Castiel, the angel could feel his faith diminishing and that hurt him more than anything. It was as if Lucifer were pulling his feather’s one by one, just to cause him pain, just to see how long it would take for him to break.

And then he heard it, the garrison was stirring as a beehive would about two months from his separation from Dean. He didn’t pay attention, though, _couldn’t,_ because suddenly he felt Dean in his head once again and his vessel’s knees collapsed under him.

“ _I wish I’d realized this before today, Castiel. I wish I could have explained myself, but it’s too late now. I can’t let Lucifer have Sammy. I'm sorry; I know you're trying but… I'm done.”_

Heedless of the orders coming from the other soldiers, Castiel had tried to reach Earth as soon as possible. He crossed through the gathered garrison, his first mistake was not realizing that Michael was nowhere in sight, before he made his way into the earthly plane.

He found Dean in his hotel room; he was dressed in an impeccable black suit, hair perfectly combed and not a single scruff on his polished shoes. Castiel thought the human might have been back from investigating a hunt, Sam and himself liked to dress up while they pretended to be those… FIB? FOB? FBI people? Whatever the name was, the outfit wasn’t very alarming even if it wasn’t what Dean would normally wear, but then the man himself turned around and as he turned Castiel saw the sun hitting something that shouldn’t be there. Wings, Dean had wings.

“Glad you could make it, little brother,” Dean said in a cold voice with an even colder smile. As if he had been expecting him, as if Castiel’s whole reason for existing hadn’t just vanished.

“Michael?” he whispered, staring wide eyed at the other angel. An angel that should have remained in Heaven, an angel that should have never possessed a damn human vessel, ever. The other angel merely smiled, and Castiel had to swallow. “Oh, Father, what has he done?” he thought in horror as Michael twirled an angel blade in his hands.

“I have to say, I am impressed with you, Castiel,” Michael said with an amicable smile. “You’ve come farther than Lucifer ever could. Risking falling for a human? Without even gaining anything from the little ant? Touching, really.”

“What are you talking about?” Castiel’s voice wavered, he was close to tears and he knew it. Dean, his beautiful, courageous, bloody stubborn Dean was gone.

“It’s too bad,” Michael continued as if Castiel hadn’t even spoken. “He was in love with you too,” and little Jimmy Novak’s legs gave out under Castiel and he staggered backwards against the wall. Suddenly, Michael was there and grabbing him by the throat, choking the air out of the vessel’s lungs. “You could have saved yourself this trouble, this… _Pain_ ,” Michael said as he caressed his cheek with the blade from the Angel sword. “You could have walked away from him.”

“He won’t let you win,” Castiel said defiantly, desperately searching for _Dean_ in those green eyes he’d grown to love. He only found cold emerald, and angel grace behind those eyes and his grace cried out for what he’d lost. “He’s too strong, to stubborn, he won’t let you win.”

Michael only laughed and slammed him against the wall, maniacal anger surging in his eyes. “You’ve spent plenty of time among the humans, _Cas_ ,” bile rose in Castiel’s mouth at the casual use of Dean’s nickname for him. “You should know how weak they are.” He slammed him against the wall again, and Castiel groaned. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have an appointment with our dear brother Lucifer.” And he vanished into thin air as Castiel slowly lowered himself to the floor.

He couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t even see the room anymore through the tears that had started to stream down his cheeks. And hey, if Dean were here, he would finally have an answer as to whether or not angels cried. Oh dear God, his beautiful Dean… the man who had trusted him with everything, the man who had believed in him… the man who had loved him, was _gone_. He’d given himself up because Castiel hadn’t been there.

It was a long time before Castiel could move; it was as if his grace had been ripped right out of his vessel. As if it had been crushed by God himself, such was his pain. When he could finally do something, when he could finally move, he went to the only place he knew he would find at least a trace of Dean. He huddled himself into the Impala, Michael hadn’t needed it to travel after all, and started the drive to Singer Auto.

About two hours of driving later, a sharp pain ripped through him. he had to pull over and clutch at his chest, he didn’t know what was happening, maybe Lucifer had won, maybe he’d taken control of heaven, maybe…

“ _You move on, and you help Sammy, Cas. You help him get better, make things right,”_ Dean’s voice ripped through his head and he felt his hand go warm. _“I know Michael already told you this, but I love you. I love you, Cas, and I'm sorry_ ” and then Castiel screamed and he heard Dean’s echo in his head as he was pulled into Lucifer’s cage.

He stayed there, trembling, staring sightlessly out the windshield before he got himself semi-under control. He kept crying, he didn’t think he’d stop any time soon, but he kept driving to Bobby’s. in his head, he said the words he could never tell Dean.

_I will. I will raise you from that cage, Dean, I will bring you back._

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> I wonder if I should write a continuation story...?


End file.
